Hello Friends and Loved Ones!
I've shifted to a new blog. Finally!
This old blog will not be deleted.
It will still be available for viewing.

Anyway, look here for my new blog:
http://closetoheartt.blogspot.com/

Feel free to relink me if you want! :)

my apologies for the lack of updates lately.
life's been evolving around work, soccer, etc.
not forgetting, it's the month of Hari Raya!
i'm glad i get to go for a few raya visiting.
a few more visitings to friends' houses coming up.
will update on that very soon, i hope.
other than that, life has been pretty much the same.
complicated as it may seem, i hope things are really fine now.
on a brighter note, something's making me smile.
there are many things that i want to say it all out,
but i don't really know how to put them into words.
i guess for now i'll just keep it to myself :)
and i'm still pondering whether i should start a new blog or not?

071008
under the moon and a star

well, it seems like quite a few people around me or him
still aren't aware of what happened between me and him.
though it's already been two months or so since it happened.
those who already knew, good for them.
but those who are still unaware, maybe they will realise it soon.
like what he claimed, let them find out on their own naturally.
nope, i wasn't the one who said that. whatever.

anyway, today marks the last day of fasting month.
this year i've managed to fast 25 days out of the 30 days.
it has been a good attempt for me, i guess.
a friend was telling me that i should celebrate and enjoy
on the first day of Raya, since i've fasted.
a pity, this year i won't get to enjoy the fun and excitement of Raya.
but i still feel the same excitement like my muslim friends!

guess what, someone's cousin even invited me to go
over to his place this Raya. it was really nice of him.
i suppose his cousin is still aren't aware of what happened.
but too bad, i wouldn't be able to make it, i suppose.
it's nice to know that some of his relatives still remembers me,
and even asked why they don't see me around lately, etc.
looks like my absence is felt. hehehe. just kidding.
honestly, even now, i still do miss his family and his close
relatives whom i used to meet often in the past.
yes, i really miss his family and some of the relatives, not him!
how much i miss those times when i go over to their house
for break fast during the fasting month last year,
and i still remember how i spent my first Raya with them.
all that will always be kept as memories in my heart.

tomorrow's the first day of Raya!
Raya's also the time when everyone ask for forgiveness from one another.
to anyone whom i have offended in one way or another,
be it the wrong things i've done or said to you, please forgive me.

Liyi wishes all my muslim friends and loved ones ;
Selamat Hari Raya. Maaf Zahir Dan Batin.

i'm smiling for no reason!
actually, there is a reason.
and you're the reason why.


i'm waiting to see the complete lyrics :)
will i get to see it?

it's a pity if friendship is lost due to a misunderstanding
mistakes or even past relationships that failed.

now i think i'm in the risk of losing a friend after
what had happened few days back.
known him for as long as i started watching Singapore Football?
though we came from different places, we do talk casually at matches.
it's only a month ago, we became closer.
yet, things happened. now, the friendship is at stake.
i'm able to forgive easily, though it might be hard for me to forget.
but guys who are egoistic, wouldn't feel as such.
anyway, my conscience is clear, i wasn't the one who brought any hurt.
in fact, those words that came from him, it hurts.
as much as i still want our friendship, he seemed to be drifting away.
if he has hurt me, and i can forgive, why isn't he able to forget?

recently, i was surprised to receive a message from another friend.
not to mention, this friend used to be someone close to my heart.
it's really nice of him to send his regards after knowing that
my mum is down with illness and might be undergoing operation soon.
it so happen that he started to read my blog recently and got to know about it.
i really appreciate his concern. though it was really unexpected.

few days back, i received a bad news which left me disappointed.
it made me feel worse, knowing that this person was once special to me,
i remembered him telling me that he wanted me to be the
first person he would meet, once he's released in october.
the last time i talked to him, was on a tueday two weeks ago.
i haven't heard from him since then. it left me in a state of confusion.
i even wondered why he suddenly stop contacting me.
it's only until two weeks later, then i found out the reason why.
and i was shocked yet disappointed when i heard that something bad happened.
he repeated that same mistake again, despite his promise to me.
despite what happend, i still regard him as a special friend.
i felt utterly disappointed, when i know he repeated the same mistakes,
despite me advising him time and again, giving him emotional support.
i've always believed that everyone deserves a second chance.
yet, he doesn't seem to appreciate that and didn't learn his lesson.
what has been done cannot be undone.
now we might not be able to contact each other or see each other anymore,
i will always remember him, a very special friend.

yesterday night, met up with firman .
it was a last minute plan suggested by him.
catch the movie, "Mirrors", as that was the only available movie at that time.
as always, most horror movies have crappy plots.
i admit there are some horrifying scenes, and it did give me the creeps.
but the ending was totally crappy! merepek.
that aside, i still enjoy his company. he never fails to
make me laugh with his constant "rabak sey"! hehehe.


anyway, friday night met up with Melissa and Jerein.
the plan was to treat Melissa, the birthday girl (22nd Sep) for dinner.
we met up at 10pm, and stayed out all the way until 2am plus!
took a cab, sent jerein back, before heading home.
despite being really sleepy and tired, i was still in the mood
to talk to the taxi driver, a malay man. not bad looking too! heh heh.
jerein even sms-ed me after she alighted, saying that the driver's cute!
too bad, jerein! he's married with 3 kids. hahaha.
and he doesn't look like his age at all, which he claimed to be 35!

Happy Birthday to dearest Ting Ting and Melissa!

i was told that life isn't always the way we wanted it to be.
i was told that things happen for a reason.
i was told that behind every bad thing, there's something good.
i was told that good things come to those who wait.

sometimes i feel it's better not to put too much hopes on something.
when things doesn't turn out the way we wanted it to be,
the disappointment will be greater if the hopes are higher.
i'm sick and tired of my life, and everything.
when i look at others' lives and happiness, i'd be full of envy.
i hate this kind of feeling i'm feeling inside me now!
let me be. i'm better off alone.

there's something on my mind, and my heart is telling me another thing.
should i follow my heart or should i follow my mind?
just some random thoughts that i've been questioning to myself.
sometimes i tend to think too much and make things complicated, do i?
ouh well, ignore that. i'll have to look for that answer myself.

okay, put that aside, i've been listening to "stories" from others.
like what people would always say, "Love is blind".
what do we exactly meant by that? to some extent, it may be true.
for instance, when you're in love with someone, you may tend
to overlook or even accept his/her flaws or imperfections.
another example, someone might hurt you or turn his/her back
against you, yet because of love, you are able to "forgive and forget".
yes, there are many other situations like these.
at times, people might even change drastically to a different person,
when they are in love, or in a relationship. blinded by love? maybe, maybe not.
but well, after hearing some people's encounters or experience,
i'm surprised how much a person can change, in the name of love.
yes, i meant both positive and negative changes in a person.
here i'm referring to a change for the better, or even a change for the worse.
it may be behaviorial change, a change in personality or a change in mindset, etc.
love is a beautiful thing, many will agree. no doubts about that.
it would be a bliss if love inspires a person to change for the better.
however, it would be a pity if love leads to a negative change in a person.
well, as the saying goes, "love is blind" and most of us tend to be "blinded" by love.

saturday was the semi-finals for Mega Perdana.
i wasn't in the final selection, actually i already expected it cos i
know very well that i'm still not up to that standard and lacks the confidence.
though we didn't make it to the finals, i'm still proud of the girls.
i watched the performance, and i can see everyone's effort on the stage.
i hope we won't feel dishearten by this, instead learn something out of it.
a friend once told me, there is no success without any failure.

after the competition, Kak Liza, Kak Alin and myself decided to
go for a Popeyes treat. took a cab down and picked up Abg Awie,
before heading towards Changi Airport terminal 3.
yes, we had a good Popeyes treat! the food there is really nice.
the outlet was crowded though, maybe cos it's a saturday.
too bad Ain Gorjez couldn't join us, but i was nice enough to buy
one meal for her, though she only asked for fries and cookie bread.
Kak Liza brought it home for her, of cos! hahaha.
i enjoyed the dinner and their company, and those talks.
though him and myself are no longer together,
i still treat the siblings like my own big sisters and brother.
hopefully, we'll meet up for buka one of this days!

sunday was spent with my mum and sister.
i felt bad towards mum, cos she has been nagging
about me being out until late everyday for the past week.
due to the training everyday for the past two weeks,
i didn't get to spend time with family, hardly get to see them.
when i wake up for work, they are still sleeping or already out.
when i reach home from trainings, they are already asleep.
i'm glad i got the time to spend my sunday with my mum and sis.
finally i got my mum her birthday present. hope she likes it!
we had a meal at New York New York, AMK Hub.
yes, i did some shoppings too,sandals and cosmetics.
my bank account is running low, low, low, low!
my salary is not even in yet!

yesterday marks the start of fasting month.
after last year's attempt to fast for the whole fasting month,
i'm going to try it again this time round. hopefully i can make it.
just wishing my dearest muslim friends, Selamat Berpuasa!

weekend was good, definitely.
saturday had a dikir barat show at a wedding at a country club.
yesterday was a day of mixed feelings though.
went down to Jalan Besar Stadium for RHB S'pore Cup.
it was the Semi-Final 2nd Leg between Young Lions and Woodlands.
Young Lions won the 1st Leg at Woodlands Stadium 2-1.
because of the referee's stupid decisions during the game last night,
Young Lions lost 3-1 to Woodlands at the final whistle.
3 red cards on Young Lions players and that penalty, seriously the
decisions were too harsh, Young Lions really didn't deserve that.
i really feel for the players, and i totally despised that fcuking referee.
not because i'm a sore loser. come on, if we had lost because
of the players' poor performance, then i got nothing to say.
but i seriously think the players played well yesterday.
that's why i really can't accept the fact that Young Lions
lost the game due to the referee's stupidity! it's so unfair to them.
when the final whistle blew, quite a number of furious fans
from Young Lions fanclub arena, went towards the far end side of the
stadium, as the referee was walking out of the pitch.
i'm not the type who will lose my temper easily, but yesterday
i really lost control and hurled vulgarities at the referee, like
what the other people did. well, he deserves that for his stupidity!
it's so obvious that the referee was being one-sided throughout the
whole entire match, in favour of Woodlands players. wtf!
the frustrating part is when the Woodlands players escaped
and got away with no no punishments, after fouling Young Lions players.
it's so obvious that the referee is helping Woodlands to win the game.
thanks to the referee's help, Woodlands proceed to the finals
with a 4-3 win on overall aggregate score. bullshit!
i think Young Lions players deserves an applause for going through
this far, making it through to the RHB S'pore Cup Semi-Final,
despite the players' young age and inexperience.
it's already an achievement for the Young Lions players.
like the rest of the Young Lions fans, i'm proud of them.
honestly, i feel that Young Lions did not lose to Woodlands,
Young Lions only lost to the Referee and his dumb decisions!
i can't help but agree with Kak Yana that Woodlands fans
shouldn't be too happy with the victory, it's totally bullshit
if Woodlands fans think that their team deserves to go to the finals.
i don't want to sound like i'm a sour grape or whatsoever,
but sorry to say, Woodlands merely qualified for the finals
with much help from the referee and his stupid decisions.
after the match ended, myself and some of the other Young Lions
fans waited outside the stadium, to specially "thank" the referee.
guess what, the referee was so scared that he waited inside
the changing room all the way until 11 plus, before he finally came out.
and one of us even overheard that referee telling his
friend inside the changing room, that he was scared to go back.
his friend was asking him not to worry as he will go back with him.
i burst into laughter upon hearing that from my friend who overheard that.
come on, we don't use violence, we won't even lay our hands on anyone.
why is he so scared, when there's only kids and women among us?!
not that we can bash him up also, and yes, we only wanted to "thank" him.
and so when the referee and two other match officials walked out
of the stadium, we went up to them and gave a "huge round of applause".
i was so furious at the sight of the referee, that i even exclaimed and told him
to take up a referee course again! not being mean, but he deserves it!
the rest of us "clapped" and "thank" him for the very "good" game.
you should see the horrified expression on his face!!
padan muke kau, bodoh punye referee! use your brain next time!

sunday was well spent with the girls.
we had a hot date with the sun, sand and the sea.
the rain and light drizzle didn't dampen our mood, i hope.
i love you, you, you, you, you and you!
yes, i'm referring to jaclyn, daphne, ezzatul, jerein, gowri and shuping.
view http://izzliyi.multiply.com/photos/album/22 for photos.

i'm sorry to all whom i've bothered with my own problems lately.
from the bottom of my heart, i'm really thankful to have people like you all.
it may seem as if i'm still holding on to the past, but i'm really slowly moving on.
i'm contented enough to have the lovely friends and family who's always with me.
right now, i'm just going to keep myself occupied with dikir barat, soccer, and work.

this week is really a hectic week for me.
after work, i'll be heading down to stadiums for matches,
otherwise i'd be going for dikir barat trainings.
ouh, and i seriously can't wait for this coming sunday!
yes, we're having a date with the hot sun.
and yes, i'm secretly anticipating for the match
this saturday to see someone who always sit near us .
even though it may appear to be "so near yet so far".
only my heart knows.well, i really hope to see someone there. hee.

i had a good time celebrating Singapore's 43rd birthday.
nope, didn't get to go to the National Day Parade.
but i still enjoyed it anyway, with the great company
of some of my Young Lions family :)
the fireworks, the rain, the lightings, the crowd, the red tshirts,
the fellow singaporeans, the national day songs.. everything is love!
i'm stuck to those national day songs, keeps playing on my mind.
call me patriotic, i love my beloved Singapore!

yesterday was a stay home sunday for me.
though i did suggest to go for a movie with mum and sis at night.
it was supposedly a treat from me. but mum insist to pay. hehehe.
we watched, "Money No Enough 2". well, i still prefer the first.
but local movies never fail to touch me at times,
especially when the story plots are so close to the heart.
i cried during the movie and at the end of the movie.
i was peeping from the corner of my eyes,
and saw my mum wiping away the tears with tissues.
basically the movie emphasize on the importance of family.
when i think back, i feel bad to have neglect my family at times.
yes, we should really treasure what we have around us,
cos it's only when you lost the loved ones then you'd live in regrets.

i'm contented with what i have now,
though i've made some mistakes along the way and lost someone.
but well, things happen for a reason.
hopefully, there are better things coming my way after
the bad things that has happened to me recently.
right now, i'm feeling good. yes i really am!
i'll make sure i'm going to lead a happier life than the person who hurts me.

you can move on with your life happily now.
don't worry, i won't be bothering your life anymore.
maybe you will not even hear from me ever again.
i'll be gone from your life, away from everyone else and this world.

what goes around comes around.
whatever you do to others,
will eventually come back to you one day.

i've been struggling to overcome the setback i'm going through.
yes, i've straightened out my thoughts and life still has to go on.
seriously, i'm wondering whether all these tears are worth it.
i will move on with life, hopefully i will find my own happiness.
yes, the happiness which seemingly doesn't exist in my dictionary.
i've never expect myself to be hearing those words from you.
i couldn't believe that those words came from you.
whatever it is, you should be happy now that i'm out of your life.
who knows, you might have even found a replacement.
if that's the case, i wish you good luck and happiness.
i hope you've learnt your lessons just like how i've learnt mine.
remember, things that happened before once, may happen again.
that's what my dear friend, Ezzatul has told me before.
she was right, that was exactly what had happened to me.
i've learnt my mistakes. hopefully it doesn't happen to you one day.
no matter how much hurt and pain you've caused, i've never hated you.
i don't hate anyone, even if they hurt me. i can't forget, but i can forgive.
thanks for letting me go and making me realised the mistakes
and the lessons learnt from this incident. i hope you do too.
don't ever regret the decision you've made, live with it.

i hate it when i thought things are going well,
yet end up it did not turn out the way i wanted it to be.
yes, things happen for a reason. if i am to be optimistic,
i'll tell myself that behind every bad thing, there's something good.
i tried, but i failed to convince myself on that. as always.
i'm really disappointed in myself, confidence badly hit again.
honestly, i don't know what have i done in my life to deserve
what i'm going through. i shouldn't be complaining, i know.
and i certainly can't blame anyone. maybe it all comes down to Fate.
i thought i've learnt to be strong after one emotional breakdown.
i realised i was wrong when another emotional breakdown came right after.
for now, i'll just let those tears accompany me through the night.
there's nothing i can do to brush away those tears, i'll just let it be.
i don't know how long will it take for the smiles to be back again.
only God knows the feelings in my heart, the thoughts running
through my mind. i just wish He is there to help me and guide me.
i never know that love could be so fragile, just like my heart is.
happiness doesn't exist in my dictionary anymore when i've lost
the people i love most in my entire life. it's as if life's meaningless.
someone once told me that in life you may not end up being
with the person you love most and the person you love may
not love you as much as you do. yes, that's a very heartbreaking truth.
one thing's for sure, my love for the person whom i have loved and lost,
will not die away. some say, time will heal. but maybe it will never heal.
deep down in my heart, i pray that the person whom i've loved and lost will
come back to my side again one day though it may not be possible.
still, the love will always be kept in my heart, nothing can replace that.


i will always love you,
despite losing you.
i will miss you forever,
despite your absence in my life.